yesterday richard asked me a question that really shocked me. he asked if there was any way we could get back together after school ends. it caught me by surprise because firstly, i thought he was over everything because of the way we've been lately. we haven't really spoken so i honestly thought he was uncomfortable with everything so i let it go. secondly, i thought he would have hated me by now. and thirdly, i thought he knew about things with justin & i. i guess i was wrong about everything.

i really don't know why its bugging me so much. eva told me that i have to tell him the truth and that i can't be nice about these things. matthew also told me the same thing and to not give him hope by saying 'i don't know.' tim said that i shouldn't be thinking about it at all because i have justin. i don't have the heart to tell him straight up, but if i don't, i'm going to hurt him even more.

i also showed justin what richard said, and i don't know what he thinks about it either. it must really suck to be him. why am i such a bother when it comes to these things. maybe i shouldn't be doing this. he deserves someone who won't give him any trouble at all. i don't want to make him feel vulnerable or intimidate him in any way by this. maybe i'm doing something wrong right now. i feel like i'm hurting everyone with everything i do.

i know that i'm good with the way things are right now. though i can't say that i'm entirely comfortable with justin yet, i know that i really care about him and that he makes me happy? but maybe sometimes liking someone doesn't always mean things work out. am i overthinking it? i really dont know. i just know that i feel horrible about everything.

i don't know what i should do.

help :(