everything's nothing. I've been feeling really different lately. it's like everything is falling apart.

There's one aspect of my life that I've never been able to discuss with anyone. it's something that i'm ashamed of, embarrassed of and utterly terrified of. Everyone around me seems to be doing fine, so why is it just me? I try so hard, but in the end it doesn't even look like i did anything. I can't even sleep sometimes because I'm so scared. And the worst thing is, I don't even want to tell anyone because I know they'll never look at me the same way again. They'll think i'm stupid, that i'm a fool. Who wants to be seen as that?

"Get a hold of yourself Karen. What are you doing to yourself?" is what i always say whenever i think about it. But each time i try harder and harder, and somehow i can't focus. My mind's not in the right place. I've lost all control of what my priorities are; that's what scares me the most.

I keep saying i will try harder, and to not think about it.

but i think its too late. im doomed, aren't i.  ¶ 2/03/2010 08:46:00 PM